a guide for difficult conversations with children
Research-Informed Strategies For Difficult Conversations
Themes
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Talk about death openly - children experience feelings of loss and grief, regardless of whether or not these topics are openly discussed
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Honesty is the best policy. While disclosing serious information may feel like you are exposing your child to serious topics too soon, research finds that children demonstrate a higher level of anxiety when they are uninformed about illness or death
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Consider the developmental model - how does the child’s age affect the content of your conversation?
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You know your child best. While research can provide a basic framework, the decision regarding disclosure and level of disclosure is ultimately up to parents or caregivers
Challenges
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​​Discussing illness and death with children requires the adult to feel comfortable confronting feelings of anxiety or negative emotions that accompany talking about mortality. By educating themselves first, adults can be more prepared for difficult questions that children may ask. Unresolved feelings about loss may make conversations about death an even more difficult topic. In these situations, it may be helpful for the child to have conversations with another trusted adult. This prevents the child learning to perceive death as a taboo subject
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When talking to children about death, adults should be prepared to acknowledge negative emotions that the child may experience. Giving children the ability to identify negative feelings can help deconstruct the difficulty of this experience and give children a way to communicate their emotions
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While they may be driven by good intentions, secrets can damage the caregiver-child relationship
Research-Based Frameworks
This framework was designed for doctors to help them facilitate the process of promoting health conversations about a parent’s cancer diagnosis between parents and their children. This framework may be useful for parents or caregivers who may not have people counseling them on the process of disclosure, as it can be used to identify why disclosure is important and appropriate. The framework also provides suggestions for commonly asked questions such as “what do I tell my kids?” (Semple et al., 2022).
